Top 80s car adverts

Ahh, the eighties. A rich, decadent decade, defined by such diverse cultural icons as Thatcher, the pin-stripe suit, filo-faxes, and the Golf GTI. And a fertile ground for the car advert. The creative juices of top ad agencies like BMP and Saatchi & Saatchi were in full flow and spawned some real gems. Against a background of landmark cars, the scene was set for some of the most memorable TV ads the car industry has seen. Here’s some of the best.

Peugeot 405 – Take My Breath Away

The ingredients for this one are relatively simple, but surprisingly effective. Peugeot’s masterclass in how to make a fine-handling gallic rep-mobile look sexy, went something like this:-

Step 1. – Set a large field of crops on fire.

Step 2. – Drive a Peugeot 405 perilously close to the flaming field and garnish the ensemble with shots of it powering unscathed, through repeated pyrotechnic explosions.

Step 3. – Set it to a soundtrack by Berlin.

Step 4. – When the farmer finds his field has been torched, claim the car suffered an unexplained ‘thermal incident’, and recall all 405s for investigation.*
*This never actually happened

VW Golf GTi 1987 – ‘Casino’

There were a few memorable VW ads in the eighties, but this one, by BMP DDB is pretty evocative of the decade, and the brand. You can read it either one of two ways:-

1. Failed city-boys and hapless gambling addicts drive Golf GTis.

2. Even if everything else in life has let you down, then you can rely on your Volkswagen. Perhaps VW should count themselves lucky that JD Power surveys hadn’t reached Europe in 1985.

Range Rover 1985

In the days before Clarkson annoyed Scottish rambling enthusiasts by taking a Discovery to the top of Ben Tongue in the Highlands, Land Rover pulled off a similar stunt with the original Range Rover in 1985. Driving one to the top of a Fell in the Lake District, with an exuberance unlikely to have been replicated by the Home Counties horsey set, this was a patriotic show of British engineering.

Volvo 850 T-5 – ‘Twister’

Okay, not strictly keeping to the self-imposed 80s brief here. This Volvo effort is from circa 1993 when the 850 T-5 was unleashed on an unsuspecting public. In much the same way that most teenage boys probably wouldn’t have a poster of Anne Widdecombe adorning their bedroom wall, Volvos weren’t considered sexy until the torque-steer-tastic T-5 arrived. What, 150mph? In a Volvo? Really? With my reputation? Yes, actually. And 150mph may not be a big headline figure these days, but just the fact that this Swedish labrador-frightener existed back in 1993, and even went BTCC racing, was hilariously incongruous.

To be fair, the tornado-chasing action man in this ad might be stretching the truth when he says it handles on rails. But having had one of these at my disposal in the late 90s, I know there are few more satisfying ways of wearing out a set of P-Zeros than at the wheel of one of these flying bricks.

Fantasy Garage

It could be you. Although the chances are, it won’t be. For as long as the National Lottery has been running, dreams of a jackpot win have sporadically hi-jacked my idle thoughts, leading me to the vitally important question – if my lucky dip did indeed get lucky, what would be in my five-car fantasy garage, and why?

The hardest aspect to compiling such a list is not a lack of candidates, but whittling it down to just five cars. The upside is that I can cast off the ‘sensible’ hat – the one that forces you to choose a car based on any number of unfortunate realities such as price, practicality, economy, and other similarly unpleasant considerations.

Here is my list, in no particular order:-

1. Audi UR Quattro 20 valve

Audi UR Quattro 20v

Why? This choice has nothing to do with its re-emergence as an ’80s icon in ‘Ashes to Ashes’, but more to do with it being a genuine, bona-fide trailblazer. Try thinking of rallying in the ’80s without an image of an Audi-Sport liveried Group-B Quattro taking off over a crest at improbable speed, five-cylinder warbling away.

The first volume produced high-performance car to have permanent four-wheel drive, the Quattro name put substance behind the hugely successful strapline ‘Vorsprung Durch Technik’. What’s more, the styling had an enviable combination of subtlety and aggression, the blistered box wheel-arches imbuing it with a quiet menace which may look dated today, but remains evocative and very, very cool.

2. Porsche 993 Turbo

Continuing the Germanic theme, this one would make the top five based on looks alone. Being a 911, and last of the ‘proper’ air-cooled incarnation, it also has sufficient performance and dynamic credibility to make the cut. All the cues are there to distance it from the vanilla 911 – wide-arched backside, whale-tail spoiler and a force-fed flat-six engine. What’s different is that this one married the traditional Turbo ingredients to all-wheel drive, making the fearsome performance accessible, and it justifiably shook off the dubious ‘widow-maker’ tag of its two-wheel drive forebears. It also boasts a pair of turbos, endowing it with 408bhp and the ability to sprint to 60 in 4.1 seconds. You may not fall off your chair reading such figures today, as the horsepower race has moved the game on, but then consider this was 1994 and it can still hold its own today. Then take another look at it, has any other car ever looked quite this perfect? Sold. Porsche 993 Turbo 4

3. Pagani Zonda R

Pagani Zonda R

There had to be something Italian in the garage, and it may as well be made by a man named Horacio and costing somewhere north of a million bucks. If you have to ask, you can’t afford it. You can’t even drive this one on the road, it’s aimed at privateer race teams as a track only weapon.

The spec speaks for itself; carbon-titanium monocoque, 6.0-litre AMG-sourced V12 with 750bhp, Brembo carbon-ceramic brakes and a dry weight of just 1,070 kilos giving a power-to-weight ratio of 701bhp per ton. This being a track toy, it’s probably going to demand that I own something appropriate to tow it there. Which leads me seamlessly on to my next choice.

4. Mercedes G55 AMG

Originally built for military applications, the ancient G-Wagen is brutally utilitarian in appearance and boasts the kind of squared-off edges you would expect to see if Blue Peter fashioned a car out a cornflake packet. The G55 is powered by a supercharged 5.5 litre with 493bhp, which is ridiculous for such an upright creation that enjoys the aerodynamic qualities of a garden shed. It’s also ridiculously expensive at £114k – arguably a Range Rover is the better car in every objective sense of the word. This is a fantasy list though, and it earns its place based on exclusivity, having a massive engine and endowing you with the appearance of being Russian Mafia. That’s enough for me, I’m easily pleased.

Mercedes G-Wagen

Mercedes G-Wagen

5. Jaguar Mk2 3.8

From Russian Mafia, to the quaint British charm of the 1960s bank robbing fraternity, my selection encompasses something for a cross-section of criminality. The Mk2 Jag was just as often the choice of Bankers and city types as it was getaway drivers in the 1960s. It earns its place due to being both jaw-slackeningly good looking and quintessentially British. It’s still respectably quick, 220bhp propelling it to 60 in 8.5 seconds, and everyday usable given the fact that any number of specialists can add modern fripperies like air con and ABS. I’m not a traditional beard-toting classic car buff, but thanks to a work experience stint at the age of 14 with a garage that restored Mk2s, I’ve always hankered after one. Then I saw the cult film ‘Withnail and I’ where Richard E Grant drove a ratty one-eyed example and catapulted it into the ranks of the uber-cool. I’ll have the 3.8 version with wire wheels, in British Racing Green please.

Jaguar Mk2